Broken
by Rinoa Lionheart 805
Summary: After Edward left Bella in New Moon, she still has her adrenaline junky phase, but she is also talking with Rosalie to distract herself from what Edward did. When Alice and Rosalie tell her Victoria is still after her, Bella cannot make herself fear her as she used to. There is only one vampire she fears now... the one she used to think was her mate. Non traditional pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: Unexpected

When I had received that email from Rosalie I had never expected what would come from it and spending the next few months planning a vampire's wedding was the furthest thing from my mind. I had spent much of my free time outside of school and riding the motorbikes helping her plan that wedding, using my detail-oriented tendencies to make sure to dot every "i" and cross every "t". I refused to touch the guest list though, I refused to think of who might be on it.

I had never given Rosalie anything aside from my work, trying to keep my distance so I wouldn't get hurt by another Cullen, only using her wedding as a project to distract me from the pain her brother had caused me. She may not have had a part in any of it but I couldn't trust her not to hurt me in the same way, not yet anyway.

The day after the Cliff Diving Incident, my most recent attempt at an adrenaline rush, I came downstairs to see Alice and Rosalie standing side by side bathed by the watery light coming through the front door they had just unlocked with the key from under the eave. I could barely register that these people had just walked back into my life as if my emotions were theirs to play with whenever they got bored. I wasn't ready for this, they weren't supposed to be back in Forks, if they were here would he be too?

Well they would get an emotion all right "Get Out!" I yelled in a voice that was still raw from all the sea water yesterday.

"You aren't safe here." Alice's voice chimed up to me. "Victoria's on her way. We have a few hours, will you come with us one more time? After this you never have to see us again."

I had to keep Charlie safe, he didn't deserve this. Neither did I, but apparently once again I had no choice in the matter. One more stint in the world of vampires and then I could be done with them forever. "Fine, just keep _him_ away from me."

To my surprise, over the next few days, they keep their word. Edward was nowhere to be seen and I was able to begin to breathe again, just a bit more deeply. The house they were in now was just as beautiful as the one in Forks. Though instead of the white on white scheme that I had become familiar with that had stood in such stark contrast to all the greenery in Forks, Esme had designed this home to have many different colors that would normally not go together. A deep red couch on a white rug, a wall painted with a beautiful orange and pink sunset over a blue ocean, a black piano next to a wall artfully painted with the forests they had left behind. There was so much life here, not anything like the antiques that used to make their home feel like no one lived there.

I worried for Charlie and called him as often as I could without arousing suspicion, Rosalie had told Charlie of how I had planned her wedding and wanted to invite me to see how my hard work had paid off. This would buy us a few days before suspicions arose. So I would call him under the pretense that I wanted to update him on some detail I had seen come to fruition and then ask him if everything was ok while I was gone. I would pretend to remind him of the healthier food I had left in the fridge. All the while I was straining to hear any creak or breath that might cut off our call with his screams.

Whenever I made these calls I always heard Rosalie in the background calling all those who had been invited to the wedding to call it off, so they wouldn't be near us when Victoria inevitably found us. She refused to hold a giant party with hundreds of humans while Victoria was on the loose. I admired her for not putting a party over the lives of others when we were clearly all in danger, at least one part of this situation didn't feel like a T.V show where all the character wanted was to be "normal" when it was no longer a possiblity.

All I wanted was to go back to Charlie's and finish my senior year, go to college and figure out what I wanted in life. Alice said they would leave my life as soon as I no longer had a murderess vampire following me around. My life had become so interrupted since I got to Forks… I didn't even know who I was anymore without the Cullens in my life. Well that was going to change as soon as Victoria was no longer a problem.

When I wasn't calling Charlie, I was helping shore up the defenses around the secluded house in what I later found out was somewhere inland in Southern California. The heat reminded me of the almost forgotten days in Phoenix. There wasn't much I could do that a vampire couldn't do better, but I could handle some things that a vampire might accidentally break in their haste or make themselves too noticeable in the Southern California sun.

The tense waiting broke 3 days later, on the day the wedding was scheduled to be. Rosalie had finished all the calls the day before, so everyone had a voice mail and a reminder text or had been spoken to over the phone. One guy apparently didn't read texts or straight up didn't care and still expected the party to be going on regardless. Alice saw it coming hours before he came, she knew he wouldn't be convinced that Rosalie and Emmett were no longer going to be married until he saw it for himself. He had some sick delusion that if that really was the case than he had a chance with Rosalie as a rebound.

We all pitched in to break things that Esme was ok with being broken, which was surprisingly a lot as this house wasn't furnished with antiques. We made it look like Rosalie had gone on a rampage. Alice let us know when we had created enough destruction to make the boy believe everything and leave quickly.

When the boy walked to the front door, I answered by peeking my head around the side of the door and kept my voice low as if I was trying not to disturb Rosalie "I'm sorry now isn't a good time, we're dealing with a family emergency."

The boy attempted to see inside the dimly lit house. "Well, y'see I was invited here, I think Rosy might want me to help with whatever's going on."

"Please sir, I'm under strict orders not to let anyone in. I don't think you want to see-" He didn't let me finish my sentence as he pushed past me to see inside the house.

Everyone made a show of sweeping up glass from the broken vases or collecting the wood that used to be a coffee table. Rose was weeping on the couch as the boy approached her. She looked up at him angrily and then rounded on me. "I thought I told you not to let anyone in!"

"R-Rosalie, I tried. H-he just pushed past me. I-I-I tried to tell him." I stuttered the fake apology.

"Please, Rosey, let me help you. I know it's-"

"Don't you DARE call me that!" She yelled at him. "That's what _he_ used to called me. Just get out of here!"

The boy started and stumbled up from the couch at the force of her anger. He turned and stared at me for what felt like ages from across the room. His hungry stare reminded me of those men in Port Angeles almost a year ago. I was still frozen near the door and so I felt when a cold wind whipped around me as Edward materialized next to the boy holding him up by his throat.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Fear

"E-E-Edward?" I managed to choke out. And then his obsidian eyes locked to mine. In that moment all I felt was utter terror. The love I had for him was gone. He was the one who had brought my nightmares of loss to life. Despite how much I cared for him before and the hole I felt from his absence, I realized that seeing him come back wouldn't magically fix everything that happened. He was no longer safety for me, he was every cruel thing in the world, tailor made for my torment. I lost it.

I backed away from those who had kept me safe from him. Nowhere was safe from him, but I had to try, for my own sake. His eyes were still fixed to mine, unblinking and cold, truly the soulless monster who had ripped me apart and left me to die. I had to get away from those eyes. I turned and ran, hating to show my back to the enemy. I vaguely heard that hauntingly musical voice call my name, followed by stone crashing against stone.

The woods had sheltered me once after his betrayal, I would seek their help one more time. These woods were dryer than the ones in Forks, all pine needles and crispy leaves, too dry for moss to cover the forest floor as I was used to. My running came to a crashing halt when I could no longer breathe, collapsing in the middle of a small clearing. The only time I had tripped through this whole ordeal, which was a miracle in itself. Now reality was able to catch up with me. I couldn't outrun a vampire, but he had let me go. Was this some sick joke? Was he just going to stalk me like James had? Did he enjoy showing up in my life to ruin any small piece of happiness I had managed to make for myself since the last time I saw him? Hadn't he once told me that if I didn't want him in my life he would leave me be? But he had also promised me forever and he had easily destroyed that promise when it was convenient for him.

I heard a gust of wind and whipped around, expecting to see Edward silhouetted by the trees, but it wasn't. Jasper stood far into the forest, just far enough away to where I could see his discomfort at being so close to me in this state. I tried to bring my emotions into check for his sake, I could break down later.

"D-don't do that." He faltered. We had never really spoken alone, I could tell he was nervous for both of us. "Y-you should deal with it y'know. W-we can process this together."

"Jasper, I can deal with it myself, I've done it before."

Jasper spoke with more confidence as he continued. "And where exactly did that get you Bella? The bottom of a cliff? That was less than a week ago Bella, you need to deal with this in a healthy way. You can't bury this anymore... Please...I can't see you suffer like this anymore." I heard his voice crack on the last word.

I was left with my mouth hanging open. He had just called me out on what I knew to be true. I knew I needed help, but I couldn't exactly talk to a psychologist about what was really behind all the traumas and events of the last year.

"Will you come back with me to the house? Garret and I subdued _him_ and Garrett is taking him back to wherever they came from. I'll keep you safe."

I decided that that was probably for the best. Despite the warm temperatures it was would be getting dark soon and then I wouldn't be able to see the way back through the forest. As we made our way back to the house, Jasper left me to sort through my mind in comfortable silence. I started to think of how I had always neglected what I wanted to take care of others or make them happy, all the things I had gone without. If you took away those around me, there was nothing to define _me_ as a person. That needed to change, the past year had shown that.

Jasper softly cleared his throat as we approached the house. "W-we're back. E-everyone is worried about you. Do you want to let them have their time to let you know what they think? Or would you rather tell them that you're fine and I can take you to one of the rooms?

"Actually, going to a room sounds great. I've been kinda rotating rooms these past few days. Could I stay with you and Alice? I would feel much safer knowing you both were there."

"Of course." He said as he opened the door for me, allowing me to go first.

Everyone began talking at once, I couldn't tell what they were saying. I surprised myself when I held up my hand for silence. I had never done that! Well it would be my turn for once to be listened to. Despite their good intentions, I always felt like a child around them, never an equal or even a fellow adult. "I know you are all very worried about me, and I understand that after what I did. However, given the circumstances, I see that despite the dangers of my actions, they were justified. You all know how I feel about E-Edward now after seeing him. I'm okay now, but I need time away from everyone to process him being in my life again. So now, if I may…" and I turned from everyone to the steps that led to all the bedrooms. Jasper followed me, the first protective shadow I had actually asked for.

Jasper POV

I was worried for her. I may have helped her a bit after meeting her in the woods. I hadn't tried to cover any emotions as I normally did. I had just cleared the barriers the mind normally created after a trauma, allowing it to process on our walk back home. It wasn't as good as letting her process it slowly over years, but it worked for the worst of it in the short term. There wouldn't be any relapses into panic when she woke up, at least not like what had happened today. She would still need help later.

I had given her a warning so she had could prepare her responses before she was thrown into it all again, I could sense a new determination in her and didn't want it to be deterred by not being prepared. I gave her the option to either stay and let them do as they wished or to speak out. She had been holding it inside for so long, I doubted she had ever spoken against anyone's wishes before.

I followed her up the steps after her speech to everyone and directed her to mine and Alice's room. I gestured for Bella to enter and quietly told her "I hope you will find our room comfortable." While Bella stood taking in the room, I went to where she had been sleeping last night and grabbed her old duffle bag and brought it back to our room securing the door behind us.

Alice always had an eye for decorations. And our room was no different. She kept it tastefully neutral, in that it wasn't overly feminine and my personal tastes could still be expressed. I appreciated how she always tried to include me in the decisions, even when she knew the outcome. Despite not needing to sleep, I enjoyed having a bed to lay in. This one was covered in a deep purple cover and had lavender pillows. We had two black nightstands and wall hangings that showed beautiful forests. I hoped Bella could be as comfortable here as I was.

Bella looked to me and whispered "T-thank you so much for being willing to share your room. It just doesn't feel safe to be anywhere else in this house if I know E-Edward can just storm in whenever he feels like it."

I gestured to the bed "Would you like to sit?" I smiled as she took me up on the offer. "You keep mentioning that you don't feel 'safe', do you wish to leave?"

"I-I want to. I want to be as far away from _him_ as possible, but it would be suicide to go right now, with Victoria on the loose. It's already risky enough with all of you here willing to fight her on my behalf."

Damn! I'd forgotten about Victoria. "Well is there anything I can do to make you feel safe here while you are staying with us?"

She took a long pause as she thought, I still felt the fear stirring beneath the surface, keeping an eye on it so I could catch her if is started to spin out of control again. That had been far too painful when I had seen her in the woods. I imagined that that must have been what she had been like when Edward left. Damn him! He had made his decision too quickly for Alice to catch and we hadn't known until three days ago what he had done.

Suddenly I felt a spark of Joy come from Bella and I knew she had come to her conclusion. I didn't have to wait too long for her to explain her reason to me. "I-I know it wouldn't be smart to leave the house while Victoria is on the loose. So, I was wondering if we could we have a movie night? Y'know with popcorn and snacks and find the funniest movies we can? I think I just need to know I can be happy… or at least be able to laugh while I'm here."

Alice had seen Bella's idea and I heard her come rushing up the stairs. I went to the door and spoke to her through the door before she could knock. "Alice, love. Bella has asked for privacy. Please respect that."

Before Alice could answer, Bella spoke up "It's okay Jasper. I appreciate you saying that, but I think it's okay for Alice to come in."

I turned around and tested her mood. No shift in her mood, the Fear was nearly dormant now. But I had seen humans recovering from recent traumas have their moods swing for unexpected reasons. I hoped Alice would tread carefully. I slowly opened the door and spoke lowly to Alice. "Please, dear, she's fragile right now. I don't know what might set her off." Then more loudly I continued. "Come in dear, I apologize if I was too abrupt with you before."

"It's okay Jazz, I know you just wanted to let her have her space. I just wanted to come up and say her idea was wonderful and ask her what movies she wanted."

 **Okay everyone! I hope you are enjoying the first few chapters of a fic where Bella is actually reluctant to see Edward again and is acknowledging that healing from that won't be easy. I've given some thought to the pairings and I think I've come up with something you will all enjoy. I sure know I'll enjoy writing it!**

 **Please leave your comments and thoughts in the reviews! After my first chapter I can finally see why authors are always asking for them! I love the appreciation you are all showing my fic! Please don't be shy, I love hearing from you all.**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Connections

As Jasper and Alice brought up the T.V. and goodies for the movie night I decided to clean up from my run through the forest. The dust from the trail had caked on my skin from where I had sweat through my clothes and was now steaked along my arms and legs. Jasper led me to the opulent bathroom he and Alice shared. I was kind of glad it wasn't Alice. I loved her to death but she could be pretty extra and I needed calm right now more than anything.

The bathroom was decorated to mirror a miniature Japanese _onsen_ , those public baths that had amazing hot water baths and little sitting showers to avoid falling. Jasper brought out a little basket filled with all kinds of sweet smelling shampoos and dessert smelling soaps. He set them on a little counter in front of the mirror behind the detachable showerhead. He gestured to a little set of cubbies and I saw my beat-up duffle bag.

Jasper spoke softly "I always did love the way Japanese public baths were designed. I never could get over being nude in public though, so Alice decided to design this for me, so I could have the best of both worlds." He paused for a moment before continuing awkwardly "You can store your laundry in here, just put them in the white hamper if you want to keep them." Jasper turned to go, but I didn't need his gift to tell that he felt flustered.

"W-wait" What was I thinking? "I- Never mind." I finished quickly. I should just leave him be, he obviously wanted to leave.

"Bella" He said gently enunciating my name. I could tell he was trying to be careful. "Do you need to tell me something?"

"I-I don't want to get too personal, but I wanted to… Well… umm... I don't mind that you shared. I always liked the Japanese stuff I saw in books. It's really cool to see it brought to the States and that you can have this sort of thing as well as the privacy.

"Oh. I- Thanks? I'm glad you like it."

"I know It may sound rude, but I have one more question… and I don't feel comfortable asking Alice." I took a deep breath to steady myself. I really wasn't used to speaking my mind, but Jasper was the safest person I could express myself to. And this was technically a small thing, but it was a great place to start asking for answers. "Why did you guys always trash my clothes without asking before? What is _so_ different now? You suggested that I could keep my clothes if I want."

"I, personally, never thought it was right. Even when the clothes were ruined beyond repair. I guess they assumed that you wouldn't want torn up cloths and seeing as we have more than enough to give, I think they thought they were doing you a favor by trashing the old ones without asking."

"But you still haven't answered my second question. What's different now?"

"I want to give you a choice. Your life is spiraling outside of your control, your feeling of sanity is hinged on the actions of someone you care about who can do anything he pleases. You need to be able to make some decisions for yourself, if you don't you will continue to feel helpless in this situation. You _are_ an adult now, as much as the rest of my family regard you as too young to know about this world. And let's be honest, by comparison to us, you would be considered a neophyte. But you are _human_ , so our standards do not apply. You _are_ an adult, it's time they start treating you like one. You need to be able to feel like you can make some decisions for yourself, even if they are small."

"Th-thank you… Wow you really do know what I need right now. Guess being able to feel someone else's emotions can come in handy huh?"

"I didn't get that from your emotions… I-I've studied psychology for many years. I know that treating an adult like a child only stunts their growth instead of preparing them for being independent people. And besides, what you have been feeling lately, I'm starting to narrow it down and doing what I could see best for the situation. I just want to help you."

"I-I appreciate what you and Alice are doing for me Jasper. I've never felt so…cared for… as an equal. Normally with your family I feel like the child. But with you guys… I feel like a fellow person, an adult instead of someone people need to walk on eggshells around."

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to show you this before. I was trying too hard to resist the bloodlust when you were around to concentrate on how minimized they made you feel. It was too much going on at once for me to be able to act differently. All I could think of was the recent slip-up I had that had caused us to move to Forks in the first place. I was still struggling so hard… All I could see was what one slip in my control could cause.

"I'm glad not _every_ one thought that the way they treated me was okay. I really appreciate you telling me the truth…"

"Of course, after everything you've been through because of us, the least we could do is tell you the truth. But everyone here is so accustomed to lying to protect our secret… It won't be easy to get them to be more honest, about anything really."

We both stood in silence as I thought about what his words meant. If I asked for answers or explanations, I may not always get the truth. I decided I was okay with that, the point was to stand up for what I wanted, even if it didn't always have the outcome I wanted. I was roused from my thoughts when Jasper cleared his throat.

"I-I may have more control now than before, but I have to admit, this small warm room is filled with your scent. I-it's reminding me of how thirsty I am and I don't wish to risk _you_ by pushing my control further." He smiled to himself, as if proud he had made it this far.

"O-of course, I don't want you to be uncomfortable." I added quickly "I need to get cleaned up anyway"

Jasper stepped forward and slowly reached his hand to clasp my own. His hand had warmed from the steam in the room, though it was still cool to the touch. He raised my hand to my eye level. "You don't make me uncomfortable. You never do. I simply need to leave here so I can eat. I wouldn't ask you to eat dinner in this bathroom," he joked lightly. "Same situation here."

With that, he sped from the room and seconds later I heard the faint click of the front door shutting.

I turned and began peeling off my clothes, they had begun to stick to me again because of the steam filling the room. I placed it all in the white hamper. I would keep these clothes, there was no reason to trash clothes just because they were a little dirty.

I grabbed the small stool from the corner and the little bucket that was on top of it. Sitting in front of the shoulder level mirror I assessed the state of my hair and resigned myself to untangling it for the better part of the next hour. The mirror was actually a great help as I was able to see all the pine needles and bits of leaf that had gotten caught in my hair during my run. I chuckled and thought of how hard it must have been for Alice to not say anything. When I had finally detangled my hair, I tied it up to keep it out of the way. I scrubbed the remaining dirt from my body, using a cute little soap that looked like a slice of pound cake.

What I was really looking forward to was the bath. It was at least 5 feet at it's deepest end and 6 feet wide. I hadn't even thought of taking one, but the warm water steaming behind me was too good to pass up. It would be just the thing to get rid of the chill that had persisted since before my run through the woods.

Slipping into the water was heavenly, nothing like my plunge into the icy ocean from the cliffs in La Push. I slowly walked to the deep end made myself sink under the hot water so the warmth could fully reach my ears and top of my head, letting my belly scrape the bottom of the hewn stone tub.

Edward's voice clearly rang in my head, an edge of heartbreak clear in his tone. "I didn't expect you to want to die so much after seeing me."

My eyes flew open I was still under water and I saw him drifting in front of me. My first instinct was to take in a breath and scream. I began to choke I couldn't find up. In front of me I saw Edward smile sadistically and say "You got what you wanted."

Black was creeping at the edges of my eyes. My heart beat too fast. I needed to breathe. I tried to swim, any direction, I just needed to get out of the water. My arms wouldn't move, panic had frozen me. The most I could manage was jerky movements that didn't help me get any closer to out. My arms couldn't move anymore, I was too weak.

As the darkness claimed me I felt the water splash around me and Edward's triumphant laugh rang in my ears, my fear brought him joy.

Jasper POV

I sprinted through the trees and caught a few quick deer before I decided to head back. I wanted to be back before Bella was out of the shower. The forest had done a number on her hair and if she was anything like me, with that with the mirror to aid her, she would want to remove every leaf and pine needle. I had needed more deer than I used to in Forks, the blood of these southern prey animals was thinner than even the weakest deer in Forks. I wasn't too far from the house, near the clearing in the woods where I had found Bella earlier today.

As the house came into view I was doubled over with Fear. It was so powerful I was paralyzed for a few seconds before I realized it wasn't my own, what was worse is that I knew _whose_ it was. I flew through the open back door and up the stairs faster than I ever had before. I ripped the bathroom door off its hinges and sped to where I felt the fear at its most concentrated. It was _fading_! I couldn't think anymore. I leapt into the pool of water and looked for Bella. I couldn't feel anything from her. I parted the water with quick strokes and wrapped an arm around her, using my other to pull us to the surface.

I hauled myself over the edge and immediately pulled Bella out and turned her onto her side, being careful not to move her neck. I swiped a finger around her mouth to clear out anything that could have gotten stuck, pulling her up a bit by her middle to get any stray water out. I couldn't feel her breathing so I began breathing for her, making sure to pinch her nose shut and cover her mouth with mine. After a few breaths I turned my attention to her pulse.

I thought I just hadn't been focusing, but she- she didn't have one. "Fuck!" I scrambled over her on my knees and positioned my hands over her chest keeping my elbows straight. I began the compressions making sure I was giving them strong enough to help her but not to break her chest plate. As I made her heart beat I began begging her "Bella! Stay with me Bella!" She began to heave as her body cleared the water. I swiftly turned her to her side and when she was done I cleared her mouth again. And then I heard her pulse begin again accompanied by a prickle of Curiosity? Concern?

"Bella? Bella come back to me" I began to breath for her again with renewed vigor, hope swelling inside me. After a few breaths, I heard the sweetest sound as I breathed for her.

"Mmmmfff?"

I pulled away from her and my eyes filled with venom as I saw her coughing and trying to breathe on her own again. I couldn't get over the relief I felt that she was alive. I began to sob as I watched her, wrapping my arms around my knees to try and hold myself together. The terror of what had just happened was finally hitting me and the relief that she was alive were overwhelming. I felt a sharp burning pain as my tears spilled over and ran down my cheeks. I scrubbed the venom away with my sleeve when I heard Bella address me.

"Jasper?" Bella's voice was hoarse from heaving up the water. "Are you-?"

I cut her off by sitting up and wrapping my arms around her. I needed to feel that she was really alive and breathing. None of this felt real. I had nearly lost my only living human friend, and it had been entirely out of my control. "I was so scared I would lose you! I thought that I would kill you by trying to save you! Are you alright?"

"Slow down Jasper," her body shook with a little laugh. The first time I had heard her laugh in months. "I'm alright, thanks to you. You _saved_ me."

I held her at arm's length to assess if she was unhurt and I saw a purple bruise blossoming across the center of her chest. I extended my left hand it, not daring to breathe as I laid my hand over it, matching it perfectly. "No" I could only breathe the words.

Bella eyed my hand and understanding dawned on her face. "Jasper, you know I bruise easily. And besides, a little bruise is a small price to pay for still breathing. Don't beat yourself up over it, I'm sure it happens all the time." Her small hand rested on top of mine as she clasped it and removed it from her chest.

I let my hand drop to my knees addressing my them as I spoke "I know you're right, but I still can't help but feel bad about it." I worked up the courage to look into her eyes. "I would never mean to hurt you. I value our friendship too much to lose you to being careless or cruel."

"I'm so glad I can trust you Jasper, even with my life." I watched a shiver pass over her as a breeze blew through the doorway. She looked toward the doorway and gave another giggle "Do I even want to know what happened over there?"

"I didn't have time to be gentle with the door." I helped her to her feet. "How about you get dressed in the room while I clean up in here?"

I felt relief flood through her. I decided not to press the subject and turned to fill a bucket to sweep all the mess down the drain in the floor and then I set myself to scrubbing and disinfecting the room. I spoke clearly to Carlisle as I did this and asked him to give Bella a check-up. That bruise still concerned me and I couldn't be sure that she hadn't hit her head. I grabbed a change of pajamas from one of the hampers and peeled off the clothes that were sticking to me and the shoes that had become filled with water, putting them in the white hamper with the clothes Bella wanted to keep. When I was done I headed back towards my room to see Bella propped up against some pillows in a large grey shirt and old black sweatpants, sipping some cold water Alice must have gotten her.

Alice came up to me and said quieter than bella could here, "I'm so sorry, I didn't see. And I didn't want to snoop while she was washing up. Carlisle give her a check-up and said she was okay, just a bit dehydrated. Nothing was broken and her head is fine. I didn't hear her struggling, what happened?"

I answered her in an equally quiet tone "I didn't want to ask, it's too soon. I'd ask you to do the same Alice, she'll tell us when she's ready." I held Alice close as I kissed the top of her head. At a normal volume I said "What matters right now is that she's safe."

Bella called over to us "Do you guys still want to watch that movie? I could really use a distraction after what happened. I think I got one we might all like," as she held up a DVD of 'Mrs. Doubtfire.'

As we piled onto our bed Alice told me quietly, "She'll be asleep halfway through."

 **Authors note:**

Sorry for the delay in posting everyone, I've been working a lot these past few weeks, and I have nothing prewritten. I hope you are enjoying the story so far, I never written a story chronologically. I wanted to start things off slow and let everyone get to know each other again, as we don't really get to know Jasper or Alice in the books aside from their pasts.

As you may have guessed, I'm also giving Bella some PTSD because she went through so many horrible things and in the books, she seems… Just fine? That's not how the world works though.

A great question came up in the comments from **Moondancer1818** that I'm sure many of you are asking "is this going to be a Jasper and Bella pairing?" My answer: Kinda ;) I changed the description of the story to reflect a "non-traditional pairing." But don't worry, Edward does not get back with Bella. She is more than done with him, as I hope you can see from this chapter.

 **Anywais… I hope you guys will feel free to leave any of your comments in the reviews and follow if you like it and want more. Don't be shy! I read every comment, I just don't know how to message responses.**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Confrontations

JPOV

True to Alice's prediction, Bella drifted off halfway through the movie, her head drifting to Alice's shoulder. Her chuckles becoming softer and more like yawns with each passing moment. Alice and I edged off the bed and tucked her in. She had gone through far too much today, I just hoped that sleep would bring her peace.

Alice and I went downstairs and when I questioned Alice on everyone's absence, she told me that after Bella had gone upstairs, they had decided to go hunting, to prepare for Victoria's assault. It reminded me of how blind we all were. All we knew that was by bringing Bella here, we had brought the battle to our turf, and we had the highest chance of winning here in Southern California. Alice's vision had seen the battle happening in a few days, the possibility of which day shifted every few hours, but while I had hunted to be strong enough to care for Bella, Alice had seen a safe opportunity for the rest of the family to take the night to hunt.

Because Alice assured me we were safe for the moment, we allowed ourselves some time to relax for the first time in far too long. Alice and I began to cook Bella an old soup recipe I had learned from my time in southern Texas. We enjoyed almost an hour of quiet joking and cooking as the house began to smell of delightful herbs and meatballs. The _albondigas_ soup lent a heartiness to both warm and satisfy that I hoped Bella would appreciate after the long day she had endured. Even though we didn't eat, that didn't mean that the food didn't smell good, but when it came to taste it was seriously lacking.

As I was putting away the _comal_ that we had made the tortillas on, I felt a stab of Fear in my chest so fierce that I dropped it. I was brought to my knees as I realized what was happening. "Alice…" No sooner had her name left my lips then I heard the stove click off and her rush up the stairs. It took me a much longer to recuperate this time before I could follow behind her. I knew Alice could handle him herself, but I needed to be there. He needed to know that there were limits, and he had just gone past the most important one.

As I rushed to our room I heard her hyperventilating, and I could hear the creep trying to comfort her! I heard him murmur "Bella, love, I am so sorry for the way I acted. I was too angry to see how my actions could have scared you. I promise, I'm not that person. I've been away from… e-everything too long. I behaved in a very uncivilized manner. I promise, I'll be better."

" _Why was Alice letting this go on so long?"_ I thought. _"Didn't he realize that he was the reason for her suffering?"_

Edward's head jerked up as I entered, triggered by my thoughts, no doubt. Surprise colored his face and I was sure my emotions were written all over my face. Bella's Fear of him made me angry beyond anything I had ever felt, and that wasn't even factoring in how angry Alice was.

Before I could open my mouth, Alice began to tear into Edward, calling him everything under the sun. Her Fury was painful, and I knew with is ability, Edward was experiencing this twice at once. Once, firsthand from Alice and the second magnified through my gift and mixed with my own Anger. I saw as our combined Anger bring him to his knees. Alice always went with the best outcome she could see, I had to trust that this would be for the best for Bella. I wanted to make sure Bella had a choice in the end though, but Alice had held this in for far too long.

When Alice paused for breath, I intervened. With Anger ruling my mind I spoke quietly, letting Edward know just how much he had messed up. "Edward, you don't realize how well your plan succeeded. Not only did you destroy how deeply Bella loved you, but you turned it into _fear_. She is _terrified_ to be near you, through me I _know_ you can feel the damage you've done. And it wasn't your actions today that did that. It goes back to the way you left her. You destroyed _everything_ that day. From your relationship to your family." I would do anything to protect my dearest friend, without hesitation. Even if it meant hurting the man I used to call my brother.

I heard Bella whimper from the bed, her knees tucked to her chest and her heart beating erratically. It must have taken an incredible amount of strength for her to do what she did next. "You're 'sorry for how you acted'? Is that all you have to say for yourself, Edward?" her voice was hoarse from her ordeal earlier today, tears beading in her eyes. She took a deep breath and surprised us all with how steady her voice was. Despite her emotions running in every direction, without my gift I would have thought she was calm.

"I can't _believe_ that that is _all_ you can think of after what you did to me. My life was starting to make _sense_ after you left. It hurt, but I was okay. At least I knew what to expect from life when you were gone. I had control of the events in my life, even if they were simple. But now that you're here, you… you _always_ do whatever you want. I mean James? That was _your_ plan to run away. I didn't get any say in anything. But worst of all is when you _chose_ to leave me. You made _that_ decision without a second thought to how your choices would affect me! I was supposed to be your _partner_. And you didn't even _consider_ what I wanted. _You_ gave up! And it wasn't even because there as anything _wrong_ with our relationship! You decided to try and 'protect' me and you just made a choice for both of us, like my opinion didn't _matter_. I looked past the warning signs with you Cullen, I thought you were just being protective. But now I see that you were controlling and manipulative.

Bella's voice took on a hollow ring as she continued "Huh. You really are a monster. And not because you're a vampire, but because you thought it was _okay_ to hurt me so much." Anger began to color Bella's words once more "Y'know what? I'm done. I am just not okay with you being around me. Just, GO!"

Her voice broke into a sob the last word as the Anger and Fear overwhelmed her. She buried her face into Alice's waiting shoulder. It hurt me to see her like this. I sat on the other side of her as she poured all her built-up Anger and Fear into her tears. "I'll make him leave Bella. You were so strong, I'm proud of you." I wrapped her in a quick hug as she sniffled a little "mm-hmm." Alice's arms replaced mine as I faced Edward.

I sensed no resistance from him as I pulled his arm and lead him away from Bella, I had to remind myself to be gentle despite the overwhelming urge to hurt him as he had hurt her. Bella's words made me remember the recent events that Edward had caused, both intentional and not as we descended the stairs. Edward made a choking noise in that back of his throat as I remembered finding her in the woods today, Alice telling me of her vision when Bella jumped from the cliff, Bella's fear of seeing him both earlier today and just now.

As we reached the front door, I felt a stab of Pain through my chest as Bella cried on Alice's shoulder. I nearly stumbled but caught myself before he could notice. I kept my face a mask of indifference as Edward hesitated at the door and turned to face me. This was the first time in six months I had gotten a good look at him. His eyes had lost the glow of the Love he used to feel for Bella, he was no longer the vibrant young man in love I had grown to know as the best version of my brother.

My whirling memories during our descent had brought the venom brimming in his eyes to spill over. There were glistening trails of venom on his cheeks, the tears that had already fallen had burned holes in his shirt where they fell. We all knew that he would never stop loving her. Losing Bella had hollowed him and the memories of their love were now like a pyre, burning him alive. I could feel the effects Bella's words had had on him. He hadn't changed his clothes since the last time I had seen him. What used to be my white button-down shirt was now a brown, tattered mess and the jeans he had borrowed were missing a chunk of the left pant leg and were caked with mud.

I had such pity for the man he had become. I felt another stab from Bella as she cleansed her soul on Alice's shoulder. I looked on the man who had lost everything, but the Pain I felt from Bella reminded me that he had sabotaged his own happiness. Her love for him used to brighten everyone around her, now all she felt was the pain and anger he had left behind. Just as he had mocked Romeo for his follies, here he was, following in his footsteps. He was teetering on the edge of madness in front of me, I didn't want to have to kill my brother today, but I would if it meant everyone else's safety.

"I will give you one chance brother, just _listen_ to Bella for once in your life. If you come back, you will leave in an urn." I wasn't threatening him, that would imply that I wouldn't keep my word.

It hurt to see my brother like this, but he had also destroyed Bella. I knew that would haunt him for the rest of his existence, so I would let him live, if he stayed away from her. Let him live with this guilt of destroying the only good thing that had happened to him. Some fates were worse than death.

My thoughts brought him to his knees, I could sense that he knew this was the end. There was a hollow disbelief at how his actions had brought him here. "Jazz… I love her. And I know she loves me, somewhere deep inside. She's still there. I haven't destroyed all of her, maybe there is a part of her that can still over me." Edward's voice rose an octave with hope that we both knew was empty. From my long conversations with Edward I knew that once Bella was set on something, almost nothing could change her mind. With her new philosophy on life, and her speech to him about how much she resented his presence, I was surprised he could entertain the possibility of her still loving him.

As Edward registered my thoughts his voice shattered as he spoke "I-I just can't live without her Jazz. She's my everything. I-I can't just leave."

Just because I knew it was for the best, didn't mean it didn't hurt me to shut him out of our lives forever. Before, when he left, there was always a chance of us being a family again. This time it was final. But then again Edward had never screwed up this badly before. I let my sadness at our situation come into my voice "If you truly love her… leave. You felt through me that this is what she truly wanted. Don't continue to hurt her by staying." I held my hand out to him, pulling him up and guiding his hand to the doorknob of the front door.

"Jazz, I never knew. Please, let her know that was never my intention. I-"

I spoke kindly to him. I knew he would leave for her sake, there was no need to be overly cruel, we'd gotten our point across. "She knows Edward, you made that clear when you nearly gave her a heart attack earlier. You nearly _killed_ her when you left, and you _murdered_ the possibility of her having any positive emotions towards you again. I tried to tell you that leaving her wasn't a good idea, Six months is a long time for someone to feel like they aren't good enough for the only person they have ever cared so deeply for. Her love for you was stronger than anything I had ever felt, but you ignored me even after I _made_ you feel it. Your stupidity warped that love and now… well now, I've never felt a fear stronger than what I have today."

"Jazz, I know I will never get to tell her how much I love her or tell her how truly sorry I am for what I have done. Could you find it in your heart, to one day…tell her how much I really cared for her and how misguided I was. In my mad attempt to keep her safe, I did the worst thing possible, I should have spoken to her, we could have found a solution if I had had the sense to ask her.

Wow, Edward really was going to stay away. This was his way of saying goodbye, whenever he had wandered away before he would lay his thoughts bare for us all to see, never hiding his intentions. He could always see into our minds without our consent, it was his way of returning the favor and letting us see a true part of himself for once. It was also something really difficult for him to do, so he only did it if he thought he was never coming back. This time, we both knew we would never see each other again.

A stab of Sadness from Bella lent true pain to my voice as I bore my soul to Edward, one last time. "You aren't a bad person Edward. You've made stupid, manipulative, _abusive_ choices. Your behavior was acceptable back when you were growing up, it was just how things were. Time changed without you. And you lost Bella to your inability to change how you treated others. I can tell you want to change now. Focus on that and find a way to live with what you've _done_. It may be too late for you and Bella, but it's not too late for you to be a better person. And you have a lot of work ahead of you."

I felt hope spark from Edward. Had my tone had made him think _that things were forgiven?_ "What about you Jazz? Do _you_ forgive me?"

I guess I couldn't allow myself to be too gentle with him. I opted for a matter-of -fact tone as I continued with one of the longest speeches of my life. "Far from it. And I never will. You hurt us all too much. And you'll have to learn to live with that too Ed. But that doesn't mean I can't talk to you like a human being. I just want you out of our lives for good. You have to do this for yourself, not for redemption, or forgiveness from others. You may have ruined everything, but you have to have the courage to fight for yourself. That is all you'll ever have. So get used to fighting for _you_!"

"I don't think I can do this Jazz. It's so hard, just _thinking_ of being away from her again, from my family! I have no one left to care for! Nothing to fight for! What's the point of this all?!""

His self-pitying tone struck a nerve with me. Bella was upstairs crying her soul out to Alice as I got rid of the man that had hurt her so much. But she wasn't pitying her situation, she was scared and hurt, but I hadn't felt a single inking of Self-Pity since she had come back to us three days ago. And she had had plenty of reason for it in just the past few hours. Needless to say, my carefully controlled plan of guiding him out of our house to minimize problems in the future flew out the window.

The painful cocktail that Bella was trying to rid herself of right now, mixed with my own anger and Alice's fear for Bella's safety burst from me as I unleashed a flurry of negative emotions that weren't even fully my own on Edward. "And whose fault is that _brother_? You pushed us all away. What did you expect? For us to be waiting for you with open arms as if you'd never hurt _any_ of us? You can only hurt us so much before we can't take it anymore. If we didn't have so much history, you wouldn't have had a chance to know how much you _fucked_ up. You would have been on a pyre before you had a chance to blink if I had thought you would be stupid enough to come and try to see Bella again. You think she meant _so_ much to you, so much so that you had to leave to protect her. But you know what takes more strength? Not wallowing in self-pity about the hand you've been dealt and actually BEING THERE FOR HER!" I was screaming by the time I had finished and I stopped briefly to catch my breath as I continued in a leveled tone laced with anger, "Alice and I are here for her now, so are Rose and Em. She doesn't need you in her life any more, and frankly, neither do we."

Edward blinked in surprise. It was shocking for me to talk so much and I was happy with who I was becoming. I used to let everyone do as they pleased. Influencing their emotions, but never playing an active role in my life. Since my time with Maria, I had not used my gift to control my life or to effect any kind of meaningful change. I had used it to soothe. But it felt much better to take a firm role to reduce suffering before it happened, not just triaging the aftermath.

Edward pulled the door open with a shaking hand. I was sure I had projected all the anger in the house when I had yelled at him. I felt a touch guilty for it, but I had to admit, it was a huge relief to transfer all those raw emotions from everyone onto him, so he could feel the full force of what he had done to us all. He stepped over the threshold and looked over his shoulder as he spoke to me. His fear was palpable as he attempted to keep his voice even, his silhouette a stark white contrast to the dark March evening. "Thank you, Jasper, for letting me live. I won't waste this opportunity."

"I didn't do it for you." I growled as I closed the door behind him.

BPOV

As I poured my heart out onto Alice's shoulder, I finally felt like the weight of the past six months had lessened a bit. I may not be able to see a professional about this, but just being able to open up to someone who I didn't have to edit my thoughts around was enough. I didn't even need to speak, she just understood. And this is why I loved Alice. She could be an energetic, distractible pixie, sometimes insufferably so when it came to shopping. But when she loved, she loved deeply and focused soling on the ones who needed her the most. And she was so patient. She knew I had been hurt. She didn't try to rush me or get distracted by more interesting things she could have been doing. I was normally one to grieve alone but having someone to help support this weight I had been carrying for so long made it infinitely easier to think of facing Victoria. I needed to end this part of my past connection with Edward if I had any hope of having a normal life with my human aspirations later.

As my fear and other muddled emotions at Edward's reappearance drained from me, my pain and anger at seeing him came and went in waves. There were moments when I blamed myself for ever caring about him, or showing that I cared, where others I felt my thoughts lashing out at him for all he had done and how he had manipulated me. In the end, I realized that the latter thought was true. Yes, I had believed in him, but it wasn't my fault since he was a con man with almost a hundred years of practice. That thought left me feeling better overall. Despite knowing that I had been had, I could be consoled that it hadn't been me being too young and naïve, that he could probably con anyone he wished to if he put his mind to it.

Just as I was coming to this revelation, Alice gave me an extra pat on the back to get my attention. She offered me a tissue box as she wiped the tears from my face. I took a tissue and was somewhat embarrassed by the unflattering noise my nose made when I blew it so I could finally breathe properly. It was then that I noticed how my crying had left a huge splotch of moisture on Alice's fleece night shirt.

"Alice, I'm so sorry, your shirt-" I hiccupped.

Alice cut me off. "Don't even _think_ about worrying about it Bella. It's just a little wet." She offered me her hand as she stood up. "Here, would you like me to show you where you can wash your face? I've heard it helps humans feel better after crying."

"I would like that very much Alice." I clasped her cool hand as she led me to a room adjacent to the shower room that I hadn't noticed before. There was still a basket of soaps that looked and smelled like little desserts. I chose one that looked like a purple slice of cheesecake. The smell of lavender as I foamed the soap in my hands already began to calm me. When I finished washing my face I turned to face Alice again. It surprised me how such a simple task left me feeling just a bit stronger.

I decided to plough ahead before I lost my nerve. "I-I've been through some hard stuff lately Alice, and I wanted to ask you something, since I know you've struggled too. How did you manage before you found the Cullens?

"Hooo, that's a heavy question Bella. I want to say that I did just fine because I knew I would have a family one day, but that wouldn't be fair to you. The short answer is, I didn't, not always at least. I didn't know what I was, so when I was a newborn, I didn't have anyone to teach me, only my visions to guide me on my survival. I was able to avoid the Volturi by being a vegetarian from the beginning; something not most newborns or even mature vampires can't do. I was able to control the thirst just fine, because my visions allowed me to know from the beginning that I could feed on animals and be just as satisfied. Mentally though… it was tough. My first vision was that I would find Jasper one day, and I would have a loving family, but that didn't mean I wasn't lonely as I muddled through life, just waiting for it to get better. The hurt was always there, the feeling of being abandoned, but what really stayed and nagged at me was… well the loneliness of it all. I tried a lot of things to distract myself from it, and it wasn't always a healthy way to cope...

"Oh Alice, I had no idea! You don't have to tell me! I promise, I shouldn't have asked!"

"No, no, no, no, no, no. I promise I'm okay with it. I want to share." Alice had an easy smile playing on her lips as she pulled me back to the bed "Here, get comfy." I snuggled onto the pillows and watched Alice as she readied herself. This was the first time I had asked a Cullen who wasn't Jasper something important and I was actually getting a straight answer. I couldn't believe my luck.

"First, I tried to fill the loneliness by going to bars, I thought I just needed to socialize. And it would be nice to tease the drunk humans and dance, have some fun, pretend to be drunk. But I would always have visions of things going wrong. I would be playing around and get too rough with someone and break one of their hands, or worse. I would see a girl get drugged and get too angry when confronting the guy who would have hurt her. I would always end up taking the girls home to treat them after I seeing what the doctors would use to help them the first few times. I have seen myself make so many horrible decisions and have seen the horrendous outcomes, the things I am capable of. Sometimes it's hard to untangle the person I know I am and the person I've seen screw up too many times to count.

"Oh Alice, but you aren't the bad possibilities of what could have happened, you are the person who saw what could have happened and _chose_ to be different. Choice is very important, especially when you know what choice will lead to the best outcome."

"Bella it's not always 100% accurate. I waited forty-eight years, 1 month, nineteen days and 3 hours after my first vision of finding Jasper before I could begin to get rid of the loneliness." Alice continued in a whisper "And I didn't see what Edward would do to you, until it was too late to stop him, he had already sent us south ahead of him so he could tell you we were leaving. I failed in keeping you safe and out of harm's way. I mean what were you thinking with that cliff-?!" Alice clapped her hands over her mouth her eyes already forming tears "I shouldn't have said that! I am so sorry! Just forge-"

It was at that moment when Jasper walked in. A shocked exclamation left him "Alice! You said you wouldn't-"

I tried to brush it off as if it didn't matter, but it stung a bit to be reminded of my stupid choice. What I would have given just four days ago to know that I would have my family again. "Nope, it's already been said. And to be honest, I'm… kinda surprised no one brought it up sooner. I had a feeling at least you and Rose knew. I-its time I talk about it. All of it."

Jasper's voice almost sounded like he was … pleading with me? "Bella, you don't owe anyone an explanation."

"No, I-I need to talk about it, I mean, I've needed to talk to someone since before everything got so confused. I couldn't very well just talk about this with Charlie or some psychologist. But I've been messed up for a while now. I just need to talk with someone who can understand."

"You can always trust us," Alice encouraged. And I believed her, Sure she was talkative, but that didn't make her untrustworthy.

Jasper's arm wrapped around me as he settled next to me on the pillows "You can stop whenever you need to. We're always here for you, aren't we Alice?"

With Alice's little noise of agreement, I gathered the courage to begin. I reminded myself that I was finally safe, surrounded by those who loved me. "After Edward left I was in a deep depression for weeks. When I heard the word "catatonic" thrown around and Charlie threaten to send me back to live with Renee, it shocked me enough to snap out of it, just enough for everyone to think I was okay. I was at least able to act somewhat normal… at least in front of others. I tried to use planning Rose's wedding as a distraction from everything, but it wasn't enough. When I was just about to burst out of my skin, I decided to go out with Jessica to see a movie. I was begging for anything to distract me from the mess I'd become… And I got one…"

I heard two growls as they were beginning to connect the dots to just how screwed up things started to get. Alice took Jasper's hand as she attempted to calm both of them. "If you guys are uncomfortable I can stop."

"No, no honey we should be asking you." Alice's bell like voice sounded strained, but I knew she was trying to be supportive. "We're fine, we can take it. I mean how can we help if we don't know what happened?"

"Okay… Well, afterward, I had an incident where I… ran into a bit of trouble with some creepy guys in Port Angeles… nothing serious, but enough to get my adrenaline going. And I heard Edward. At first it was comforting to hear him, cautioning me to be careful, to be safe. It felt like I had my Guardian Angel again. And, from there I got more and more into dangerous activities, more for the thrill of it than anything. But hearing Edward became a not-so-welcome side effect. It became scary, like he was stalking me. Like he didn't care enough to stay after I was safe. And then I realized he never really cared at all."

I squeezed my eyes shut as the tears clogged my voice, threatening to spill over again. No, I was done with crying over him! "I started to feel lonelier than ever before, and I felt more and more rejected. And Finally… four days ago, it became too much." My voice cracked, I needed to get it out, but I couldn't breathe anymore.

I heard Alice's gasp of horror but Jasper's growl was what caught my attention, it was right next to my ear. His arms had wrapped around me, cool and reassuring. "You can stop, you d-don't have to keep-"

I just needed to get all of it out, before I lost the courage to say anything. I returned his embrace and buried my face in his shirt. The cool marble of his chest and arms grounded me as I made my final confession. I closed my eyes tight as I confessed into Jasper's shirt, knowing full well they would be able to hear everything. "I thought that I would do one more dangerously, stupid thing and make it a final middle finger to Edward. It would send a message that he had never been able to protect me, while also freeing me of him forever. I would never have to hear him again, or deal with the crippling feeling of being totally unwanted ever again. I-I chose one of the highest cliffs I could find," I took a deep breath. It really hurt to admit what I'd done. "And I _jumped_. I saw him, trying to tell me to swim, to fight. I basically told him no, that he wouldn't control me anymore. Someone had seen me jump though, one of the big guys from the Reservation. He saved me. At first, I was mad. I had really _really_ wanted to die. But after he took me home and I saw Charlie again, I realized how much I would have given up right there. I didn't tell Charlie what I did, but I'm going to. And I'm gonna get help."

Jasper's voice was a soft growl in my ear, I felt it more than I heard it. "Yes, you will. And you will be even stronger than you are now. We'll be with you every step of the way."

I felt as Alice joined our embrace, I felt at home, which was why it pained me to say what I did next. "But- but you can't be. I-I cried more that night than I did when Edward had left. I had almost given up my life for someone who didn't even want me, and I had risked losing everyone and everything that had ever mattered to me. Once Victoria's taken care of, I can't be a part of this world anymore, there are too many lies, too many secrets, and- and too much to lose. I have Charlie to think about. I don't know how much longer I'll have him for, and he's already missed so much of my life, I can't cheat him out of what we have left. Nearly dying made me realize that I want to find out who I am, and what my passions are, I can't do that if I'm in a world that I shouldn't know about. One that takes me further from my parents when I should be leaning on them more, as I start striking out on my own. I love you all so much, you're my family, but he is too. And this wasn't a world I was supposed to know about. And I can't have both."

It tore me open to admit this to them, even though I was so happy to have this hole in my heart filled again. Oh, I'd missed them so. I just needed to get through one more obstacle before I could try to resume a normal, human life. I just had to survive Victoria.

 **Authors Note:**

 **Hey Everyone! So sorry for the late update, but I had some serious writer's block this month. I re-wrote Jasper's POV like, at least three times. And combining that with having a lot of overtime at work lately, this chapter was pretty slow going.**

 **I wanted to show Edward as misguided and stuck in the past. I notice a lot of fics where it is Bella x Anyone, Edward is portrayed as mean spirited, a general insensitive jerk or actively trying to emotionally hurt Bella. I wanted to opt for an Edward that is much like the one written by Haemophilus Leona. Edward's thought/ action processes make much more sense when coming from someone who hasn't changed their way of treating people in a hundred some odd years. It doesn't mean he doesn't care, he just never learned the modern way of showing it, hence his old habits of showing it are considered abusive/ controlling behavior patterns.**

 **Given that, I wanted to give him some modern-day consequences where people actually call him out. His behavior hurt everyone, and he needed motivation to be a better person. Not that that will get him back together with Bella or his family, but I want him to have the possibility of him having a life where he can be happy, just not near Bella.**

 **I also changed the rating to "M" partly because I want to have more room to cuss when things get intense (and they definitely will) and partly because, well, relationships are fun to be "descriptive" about. So you have been advised :)**

 **Thank you once again for all your reviews, I do read everything, and during my month-long battle with writer's block, it was a huge motivation to see how many people were still commenting and reading my fic.**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5: Plans...

EPOV

As the door closed behind me, I stood in shock as Jasper's words replayed in my head. I had hurt them too deeply to hope to be part of the family again. I felt the beast clawing through my chest, sensing its opportunity to overtake me as it had every other time I had felt hurt or threatened.

I wished more than anything that I could fix this now. But I knew I would never be able to be near them again. I needed to work on myself, as Jasper had said, make a change for the better with no expectations of a forgiveness that would never come. But I had done so much wrong in my life, had treated others so badly on a regular basis. And that was just thinking about how I treated my family. I had done far worse to those I didn't know. So where to begin?

Bella's sweet voice caught my ear as she assured Alice it was alright? What was? I decided to listen in on this last conversation, savor her voice one last time, so I could have something to hold for the rest of eternity without her.

Her sweet voice began to clog with emotion as she began her confession. The me in Port Angeles cautioning her away from danger, the increasingly reckless activities. Alice's mind shifted as Bella's words triggered a memory of a vision she had had of Bella on a rickety dirt bike crashing into a tree. Her eyes alight with excitement, then focusing on something only she could see. The sound of the crash was horrific as I saw a tall dark-skinned boy run over to check her. "I'm fine Jake." Her voice echoed through Alice's head as the vision ended.

Bella continued to confess that she had seen me, but that I had become her waking nightmare. I had made my old warnings a reality, the warnings of me being the actual villain had come to fruition. The beast clawed at my chest again at her words, begging me to lose myself to my instincts and just do as I pleased. But no, I had created this situation. If I was to be a better person I had to accept the consequences of my actions.

But Bella's final confession is what drove me to my knees again for the third time that night. She had become so estranged from who she was and so tormented by my memory that she had tried to kill herself?! I was too shocked to move until I realized that Alice was bringing her downstairs. I should have been long gone by now, so I did the only thing I could, and I began to run with no certain direction, away from the house that sheltered my only family and the girl I would love until my last breath.

JPOV

I was shocked to say the least when Bella told us she didn't want to be a part of our world anymore. But it was what we had wanted before, so she could be safe. However, we had gone against our better instincts when it came to the girl who had slowly made herself an honorary Cullen. As long as she wanted to be involved in our world, we had let her. Her happiness had come before our common sense. But now that she had realized that she wanted to pursue a normal human life, it was difficult to keep my feelings in. Half of me wanted her to stay, hoped that we could spend an eternity together. I felt I had met my match, a friend that I could rely on forever. The other half knew that she didn't want to be a part of our world and feared for the consequences that her knowledge of us could bring her.

I would even be content to be involved with her throughout her human life. I had found a best friend who could understand just how deeply I felt everything, someone with who I didn't feel like I had to hide who I truly was. I had only ever felt that way around Alice. But if remaining human would make her happy, then I would pretend as if I could bear to be apart from her. I couldn't explain these emotions running through me, until Alice caught my gaze and a rush of heat, similar to a blush creep over me accompanied by a wave of Embarrassment. Her attachment to Bella had become like iron cables. This Lament was coming from her, mixing with my own emotions towards Bella. I knew my wife enough to know that she wouldn't want to talk about her cocktail of Worry and Love in this situation until Bella was deeply asleep.

BPOV

I walked down the stairs with a lighter heart and heavier steps. Telling Alice and Jasper how my sanity had left me proved to be harder than I thought. It was a great relief that someone finally knew and fully understood what I had gone through, and most importantly didn't judge; however I stood by what I had told them. I needed to talk to a professional about this. Moreover, I needed to get my life back together. I had half-heartedly applied for the colleges the teachers laid out in front of us, the state universities, the University of Washington. Before Edward had left, I had already drafted up all my answers to perfection since last year when looking at the questions, I had just copied and pasted when the applications opened to placate Charlie and my teachers. Now I really did want to go through with it. I resolved to throw myself into my school work and work on my self-care with a therapist. I needed to be healthy in every way if I planned to leave Forks and go off to a university.

We reached the bottom of the stairs and Jasper was leading me to the lovely dining room. It had been repaired in my absence and looked lovelier than ever. Whatever Esme had cooked in here smelled wonderful. The smell of herbs and spices worked wonders to calm me, I felt grounded again. I knew I could do what needed to be done next.

Alice guided me to a chair and placed my phone in my hand, with Charlie's contact open. She must have Seen what I had planned and knew things would go how they needed to. "Thank you." I whispered, my voice still hoarse from crying.

I took a steadying breath and pushed the call button, this was going to be difficult, but I had heard that the more you put your pain into words, the less scary it was. I prayed that it got easier after this, I didn't think I could take it if it was this painful forever.

I was just about to hang up when Charlie's groggy voice answered the phone. I had forgotten what time it was. But this couldn't wait. If I didn't say this now, I don't think I ever could ever gain this amount of courage and stupidity again. I would certainly never be able to tell him to his face.

"Char- Dad… I-I'm s-s-so s-sorry." I began sobbing as my chest closed painfully around my heart. I couldn't bear it anymore and for the second time tonight I burst into tears, telling Charlie everything I could. The only thing I left out was vampires. I told him how after Edward had not only left, but how he had said I had just been a distraction for him, a plaything. How I had let it get to me and I lost my grip on reality. Of all the risks to my life I had taken to get some semblance of control over my life. And finally, of how I had almost died by suicide for trying to calm the demons in my head that had been created by the boy I had cared about. By the time I finished Charlie was sobbing and furious all at once. He told me that he blamed himself for believing when I had claimed I was better, he had wanted to believe it so badly and so he turned a blind eye to what I was doing during the day. He thought that if it made me happy then that was all that mattered.

"Dad, I-I'm so sorry for lying to you all this time. That's why I'm telling you this now. I-I know I need help, I should have gotten it a long time ago. I realize now just how much he messed me up-." I took a deep breath, pulling in the strength I needed to tell him what had happened today. "I-I saw him today, he had separated from his family after he left me. He hasn't been exactly welcome after they found out what he did. He-he came in and-and I lost it. He still terrifies me, dad. I ran into the woods and Jasper had to come find me. I-I couldn't be near him dad and I-I know it's not healthy to be so scared of someone. When I was cleaning up in the bath; Dad I had a flashback to when I tried to die. And I got so scared, cuz Dad I don't want that anymore. I almost drowned."

"I've made a choice; Dad I need your help. I need to start seeing a professional. Can you make me an appointment for after I get back from this trip? My plane ticket has me leaving in about 3 days. Can you make it for the day after I get back?"

"Of course, I can Bells it's the least I can do." Charlie's voice was almost as raw as mine was. Neither of us normally showed emotions, so things got bottled up and came out hard when we did. Well, I was going to change that on my end, it had gotten me into nothing but trouble. "Bells, I am so glad you can trust me now. I'll be with you every step of the way."

We said our goodbyes, promising to call each other every night until I got back, I knew full well it was just as much for him as it was for me. He was a parent after all and I had just told him how close he had come to losing me. We both had a long way to go in letting our relationship have healthy communication. But if we both really wanted it to work, I had no doubt that we would be able to do it.

APOV

After Seeing that both Bella and Charlie would get some closure from what had happened being aired out I made sure she had the time she needed to work through it. While they were talking Jasper cleaned the kitchen as I readied the room for the evening. I looked to be sure and Bella would want to stay in our room. I hoped it would ease her mind to be with us. I truly missed her every day that we were away. I had wanted to go back, but Carlisle had put his foot down with that one and said that her final day with Edward had probably turned her off to us as a family. It had been difficult to see her after that as she was almost always surrounded by one of those werewolves, whether she knew about it or not was another matter. Those flashes of her with that Jake boy had been the clearest thing I had seen all these months. I should have left to check on her sooner but I had instead allowed her to worsen as she exchanged emails with Rosalie. She had made a good show of recovering from Edward's betrayal. I only hoped we could help her get on the road to true recovery, she at least deserved that.

I heard the light clink of the bowl on the table downstairs as I fluffed the last pillow. I sped downstairs to check on her. Sometimes I longed for Jasper's gift, to ease the pain of others, but he also suffered to feel all the pain of the world. As I watched Bella eat, I couldn't keep myself from feeling a pang of sadness. I hadn't been able to know Bella for long when she had been with Edward. But her beautiful soul had shined through all the hardships that had come to her, her concern for those she loved and her deep devotion to us as her family. I had always wanted to help that beauty shine through in every physical way I could. Looking back, there were probably better ways to go about it than dressing her up for a prom she hadn't even wanted to go to.

I looked for a future where I might be able to be with Bella again, with less pressures, more time just for us to be together, for her to develop her own interests and become her own person. But that future seemed to bend and weave, through a static I had grown accustomed to when looking for Bella's future. It worried me that her future had been up in the air for so long, I had hoped the static would clear once we got her away from the wolves, but no such luck.

I hoped that when this was all over Bella would want us in her life again. I wanted to be in every part of her life, help her find who she was, become the successful person I know she could be. It killed me that my world had brought her so much pain. I wished I could share the days with her, however limited they may be.

Jasper grasped my hand in my lap, pulling me from my reverie. I had missed any conversation that might have happened, but my concern couldn't be alleviated, it wouldn't be until I knew Bella could be safe.

As Bella's yawns grew more frequent, we led her to bed. I lay next to her as she began to snuggle into the covers, hoping her dreams would be peaceful. Jasper joined me next to her and helped her sleep as he had before. Soon, her breathing deepened as sleep took her.

Jasper caught my attention as he began speaking softly. " Alice… I felt that earlier. I know you care for her, just as I do. But she told us herself, she doesn't want this life anymore. And if we continue to be involved in her life, we-we'll only put her in more danger. She wants a human life, who are we to deny her that?"

"Jasper, I can't live like this much longer, you know my heart stayed with her in Forks when we left. You know I never agreed with us leaving, or Carlisle's order to stay away. But I could never See if it was ok to go back without hurting Bella. When she goes back, I want to go with her."

"And if you follow her without her wanting you to? You would be just like Edward…" I hissed at the thought of being compared to him. "Just ask her first. If she wants all supernatural away from her-"

"I'll stay away. I won't be happy, but she would be. And that's enough for me." I gazed down at the sleeping woman that had become my best friend, her and Jasper were the only ones I felt understood me, who matched the missing parts of my soul in every way.

BPOV

I woke up the next morning with Alice to my back and Jasper's chest in front of me. It made me happy that they had stayed with me throughout the night. I had finally been able to rest for the first time in so long.

We padded downstairs for breakfast and I had the delicious leftovers from last night. Jasper taught me how to make the tortillas and how use the little hot plate to cook them. He let me use a spatula to turn my thick misshapen tortilla as he flipped his perfect circle with quick fingers. I was normally good at cooking, I was determined to get the next one right. I heard him chuckle and ruffle my hair.

"I've been doing this for quite a while, no need to feel bad about not being able to do it the first time. When I first tried to make a tortilla, it was too thick to cook completely and it wasn't even close to a circle. Yours is at least edible. How about we sit down, the soup is almost done reheating."

"Thanks." I felt a bit embarrassed for letting a little tortilla get to me, "But I will totally own making them for lunch."

As I carried the tortillas to the table, I heard rapid chopping and found that he had chopped a few limes, onion and cilantro in the seconds it took me to get to the table. As Alice brought the soup to the table I had a thought. "I am worried about getting into college."

"It's alright, I was too my first time." Alice chirped. I hadn't realized that I had said it out loud.

"And the second and third."

"Exactly! I still get nervous, it never really goes away."

I was blown away, the most collected people I knew, the ones who had been able to see it all, still worried about college? "I would really like to hear more about the process you all go through. Especially recently. Do you all even go to college after High school? What are my options? I feel like I know nothing about this and I'm too late to get where I want to be.

Jasper gave a light chuckle. "Do you want any of your questions answered or to just keep asking? We sometimes go to college, if we feel like it, about once every ten years or so. But to maybe give you a bit of guidance, I guess a good way to start is to ask, do you know where your passions lie?"

I paused and soon realized I had already hit a dead end before I had even started. I knew that this college thing wasn't for me. Who was I to think that I had a chance to get anywhere when there were kids who had prepared for university all four years? I was smart but how could I compete with the students who were driven by more than grades. I had never gotten a passion for anything; how could I think of going to school if I had no passion for what I planned to dedicate my life to? I couldn't-

"-lla, Bella, look at me. You are safe here. Breathe with me."

I began following the breathing. "Imagine a golden light, let it warm you. First your chest… then your arms… now your legs. Let the light spread through you until you're warm again… all the way to your fingers and toes… You are safe and loved… That light will always be there, just let it in." Jaspers voice was slow… deep… calming all my erratic thoughts.

I felt like I could breathe again. This was doable. "I-I-I like to plan things, I think I did an okay job with planning Rose's wedding, even though she didn't need a planner." I sniffled, growing a bit more optimistic. "Maybe that, or maybe helping people plan trips, I heard people pay for that kind of stuff. I could make a living with that."

"You did great with the wedding, Rose really did love the designs and she fully intended on using everything you planned. We even went dress shopping together based on your designs that you thought would go with the theme of the wedding. I know you applied to universities, but that doesn't have to be the be all, end all. What about Renton, that Community College near Forks? You could still live with Charlie. Or in Seattle, and still be close enough to visit every weekend if you want."

Alice is right, so many people go to community college and are able to achieve their dreams by getting their start in smaller institutions."

I took a thoughtful bite of my soup as Jasper and Alice explained the ins and outs of how acceptances to university worked and how community college was a real, viable option if I was worried about my chances getting in elsewhere. By the time they were talking about housing options and how to find a deal, I was nibbling the edge of my tortilla monster, feeling much more like this whole college thing wasn't as bad as I thought. As Alice cleared the table I felt like I could plan for my future and not be worried out of my mind. And then the bowl tumbled from Alice's hands, shattering. And just like that bowl, I felt my life shatter once again.

 **Authors Note:**

I decided to give you guys an extra long chapter for bearing with me through the wait. Lots of overtime recently and life got out of balance. I'm getting back on the ball though and hope to churn these out a bit more regularly. For those of you wondering, I wouldn't just leave you guys on a cliffhanger and never finish. I just happen to not have anything pre-written and am writing by the seat of my pants. I have a general idea of where this is going, but some parts are just harder to work through than others. I plan on sticking with this fic through to the end, no matter when that may be.

 **Thank you for all the reviews that you kind readers have left, I read each and every one**.And if you like my story feel free to follow it so that you can get notified when the next chapter is ready. I love you all dearly and hope you will continue ride with me on this adventure though my own take on Bella's world.


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